What exactly do you do when the world turns against you? When every step you take seems to drag you a mile back, further and further, pulling you into an endless vicious cycle. What do you do? When you put out one fire after another, not getting a chance to catch a breath, only to find yourself suffocating in the middle of a burning house. What the fuck do you do?
My house was set on fire. And while I ran to put one fire out, ten more would flame up. You’re almost managing it, you seem to have a grasp on it - or at least you tell yourself so. I did, until I found myself in the middle of that house with no way out - cause it was too late to leave.
I’m not talking about a house. I’m talking about a series of unfortunate events that have lead to where I am right now as an individual. What gives perspective is distance. Only once you finally get out of the stupid house can you breathe, and break what seems like a curse. It took me suffocating to see that.
It’s not a pity party, it is self-reflection and simple train of thought. Are things worth saving? Yes. All things? No.
Change is the scariest thing in the world, especially when change leaves you emptier and emptier by day, until you realise your glass is more than half-empty, objectively. But fire grows, and all you have is a half-empty glass in your hands. That’s when you can walk out. When you should walk out.
That was the bravest thing I have done in a while - walk out, let it burn. Let it burn and light the way, as they say. Turning the other cheek while life slaps you backhand across your face, letting life happen only to see that after every wildfire comes the rain. Rain you deserved, one that heals your burns, fills your glass again and floods your life with its power, one you can harness and let guide you towards a new beginning.
New beginnings. Cliché to all clichés you can ever write about, but it’s the most important one. I never would have thought that this is how new beginnings would come to be - through complete destruction and feeling as though you are nowhere near a new start, only at the end of a very long highway, with just a faint footpath in front of you. A series of unfortunate events. That is just what it is - nothing more. A series of events that have slowly messed me up, but gave the most beautiful, panoramic perspective on almost every aspect of my life.
Life and its best things can never die in a fire, unless you do. Best things live in your heart; passions live in your heart, people live in your heart. Just like small parts of you live in those who love you. People who will never ask you to love them back, people who will carry key pieces of you in their heart out of every fire and put you back together. Selfishly and correct, because they know you just like you.
Those people matter. Those who will walk out of their fire, out of their own burning house with you in their heart, trusting you to do the same every time. Hardest to accept is that if you didn’t have the time or energy to carry it out - it doesn’t matter. Passion and love don’t burn, only transform and take different form.
A series of unfortunate events - that is all you need to strip your life to its core. The silver lining, like collateral beauty, is that only in the ashes will you see who carries you in their heart, and who carried a lighter, a match, or gasoline - not hesitating to throw it in and burn your shit to the ground.
A series of (un)fortunate events.